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Currently Hearing

That’s Miss B to You

b says: u like ‘behind blu eyes’?

b says: its the wackiest song!

shade says: have i heard it?

b says: yeh.

b says: and do u like.

shade says: who is it by?

b says: Limp Bizkit

shade says: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

shade says: no

Close Your Eyes

An excerpt from retroCRUSH’s hundred most annoying things of two thousand and three

DVD REGION ENCODING. What kind of backward world do we live in where Americans can’t buy a DVD from England, but Robbie Williams records are still legal to purchase?

DVD CASES. The 18 layers of security tape on new DVDs not only keep people from stealing them, but ever watching them once you get ‘em home!

I’M LOVIN’ IT. McDonald’s most pathetic attempt to maintain their urban demographic since the McAfro Meal. Just because those deep fried bags of grease called McNuggets have “all white meat” in them now, doesn’t make them stop being deep fried bags of grease

SIMON COWELL. Listening to this guy make judgments on music talent is akin to having Ben Affleck and Matt Damon tell prospective filmmakers how to make a good movie

SCIONS. This new vehicle from the folks at Toyota can be customized over a hundred different ways, except for one that doesn’t make it look like a stupid giant shoebox on wheels

LIMP BIZKIT. Fred Durst tried to show he’s still relevant by hacking out a shit cover of The Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes”. His last album was so bad, people didn’t even want to download it for free

SADDAM HUSSEIN. Forget the atrocious crimes against humanity, just watching his disgusting mouth get swabbed on the TV news was enough to give me nightmares for life

POLYPHONIC RING TONES. If I’m at the grocery store and hear a cell phone ring with “Hey Ya” one more time, I’m gonna flip out and scream

KELIS. Her “Milkshake” song easily gets the worst song of the year honors

THE MATRIX SEQUELS. Well, the good thing about parts 2 and 3 coming out together was that it didn’t prolong the agony. Watching Keanu and Otis in bed was difficult for most to see, as the lookalike duo made it hard to tell who’s ass to get excited about

JOE MILLIONAIRE. Easily the dumbest guy to ever appear on television

METROSEXUALITY. It’s kind of like being gay, only without the sex part. Look for BUTCHUALITY for women that want to get in touch with the flannel lesbian side to be the craze of 2004, and NECROALITY, for goth kids that want the fashion of necrophilia without the trouble of actually f———dead people

GOOD CHARLOTTE. Neither good, nor Charlotte. Annoying to look at, annoying to listen to, this shit-laced hybrid of The Cure, Quiet Riot, and Air Supply make being a goth even more ridiculous than it already is. “Good Charlotte? Nah…more like Mediocre Green Day”

BRITNEY SPEARS. Who would have thought the “Hit Me Baby One More Time” era of her music would be considered good, in comparison? She’s alienated her younger fans by becoming too slutty, and she sucks too much for adults to like her, making 13 year old boys the only ones even interested in her

Mood Rings

The twenty eighth of January. Annual-visit-to-the-dentist day

Suck. Scrape. Prod

Pause

‘Got the seventies hairstyle hey?’
‘Yeah, I got challenged to not cut it, and then i fell in love with it’
‘Listen to any seventies music?’
‘Only the Electric Light Orchestra’
‘Who was the lead man?’
‘Erm. Dunno’
(Insert five minutes of mumbling) ‘Jeff Lynne! That’s it’

Suck. Scrape. Prod. Slosh

Pause

‘So what are you doing this year?’
‘Second year uni’
‘Oh yeah, studying?’
‘I.T’
(Insert ten minutes of rambling about viruses and Mr. Norton and other things my dentist picked up from TV commercials)

Suck. Scrape. Prod. Slosh. Swish

Pause

‘Sorry, I almost drowned you there’
‘No joke, you bloody git’ (Insert Coughing fit)

and he didn’t even do anything. just told me that, as teeth go, mine were the real deal

so to ease the pain of looking up the nose of my foggy-eyed dentist, i went and bought the new relient k cd

Blister In The Sun

If when you die you get a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick but if not mmmboy

If you rob a bank, and your pants fall down, its okay to laugh. and let your hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny

I hope an animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs there because I might think I have a good idea but its really just the eggs hatching

Once my friend told me that he had found Jesus. I thought to myself, “WooHoo, we’re rich!” It turns out he meant something different

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he’s completely draped in it. Then he’ll stand up and go, “Hey, I’m Vine Man.”

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy

– Jack Handey

…More

Rock Enrol

Haha

Kamahl made his second Big Day Out appearance today. He was the ‘star’ of the show tonight although he didn’t seem to quite fit in with the rest. Good to see people have an appreciation of all types of music (not that i’d listen to Kamahl by choice) and that the BDO organisers have a sense of humour.

The Black Table

Have you ever wondered how you would go about wrapping your apartment in aluminuium foil?

me neither.

For the Moments

Dear girl who was crying near the tech box at the Relient K gig,

You never did end up telling me what was wrong. I hope you figure it out and find it’s not so complicated as you thought

I’m still praying for you,

Tristan

Never underestimate my Jesus

I’m telling you your wrong
– Relient K

Ctrl + Home

Drove for eighteen hours, through three states, but I’m home. Yay.